


Would you still be my friend.

by CrankyWhenProvoked



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, High School AU, M/M, Self Harm, self harming Jensen, slight drug addiction, slow moving relationship, supportive jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2017-12-09 12:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/774360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrankyWhenProvoked/pseuds/CrankyWhenProvoked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is facinated by the new student at his school, Jensen. But everyone is sure he's a junkie and Chad thinks that Jared should stay away from him, but he just can't. So one day he goes and talks to him and finds out a few things.  Will Jensen truly be able to let Jared in with how much he's been hurt though?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"You're staring again" Chad said, breaking Jared out of his concentration and breaking his stare away as well.

"I can't help it"

"Dude, everyone knows there is something wrong with Jensen, so just give it up"

"Oh really, everyone knows?" Jared said, giving Chad a look.

"Yup" Chad said, taking a bite of something that the school gave the name meatloaf to.

"How? He doesn't talk to anyone and no one has ever talked to him"

Chad opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to find an argument then just shrugged and shoveled potatoes in his mouth when he couldn't.

"Dude he moved here a month ago and two seconds after he walked in the door, everyone just assumed he was a junkie"

"Jay look at him"

"I do quite often"

"And you can't see the dark circles, the way he rubs at his arm or let's see the way he never wears short sleeves even though it's hot out"

"Maybe he likes long sleeves"

"And maybe he's shooting up in the bathrooms"

"That's it, I'm going to talk to him" Jared said standing up and grabbing the bag his lunch was in.

"Dude" Chad said but Jared was already on his way.

Jensen always sat in the corner of the lunch room at one of the round tables by himself. Getting there Jared pulled out a chair and sat down, a pair of confused green eyes looking at him when he looked up.

"Hi"

"Uh hi"

"My name's Jared"

"Jensen"

"I know"

A cocked eyebrow was his answer.

"Sorry, just everyone knows who you are"

"Good for them"

"How do you like it here?" Jared asked, pulling out his sandwich and Pepsi.

"Better than my old school, at least no one's shoved me into a locker yet"

Jared frowned. "They did that at your old school?"

"Been bullied all my school life, finally got real bad, bad enough for my aunt and uncle to move us here so I can finish my junior and senior years"

"You don't live with your parents?"

A flash of something was in Jensens eyes for a moment then was replaced by a slightly sad look.

"No and you don't have to do this"

"Do what?" Jared asked, tilting his head.

"Pretend you're interested in me to get me to tell you all my secrets so you can answer the questions everyone else is to scared to ask"

"I'm not pretending anything and if you want to tell me things, go ahead if you want me to leave you alone I will, I just think everyone deserves a friend"

The corner of Jensens mouth quirked up a tiny bit. "Really?"

"Really, I can even introduce you to my friend Chad, he's an ass but he'll be there through thick and thin"

Jensen laughed softly, but it was one of the most wonderful sounds Jared ever heard and he wondered how much he could make him do it.

-0-

Their friendship was a slightly rough process at first. Jensen didn't really like talking in places where a lot of people could hear them, but seemed almost afraid to have Jared come over. So they hung out a lot at Jared's, Chad sometimes and Jensen was starting to warm up to him. At times Jared could get some personal stuff out of him but other times he would clam up.

The day he realized how much he was starting to fall for the green eyed male, was by pure luck he was there. He never really stayed after school much, he liked going home to where his mom always had some kind of baked good. She owned a bakery and tried new batches of things all the time, so there was never lack of sweet things in the house. However he had accidentally knocked over a book rack in the library where his last period was taking place. So the librarian made him clean it up and organize it which took forever and gave him new appreciation for them. After going to his locker he hefted his backpack on his shoulder and started heading down the hall when he heard a clang. Heading backwards he looked down what was deemed senior hall way and nearly gasped out loud.

Jake and Misha, two members of the baseball team had Jensen up against a locker.

"Come on you freak show us those pretty track marks" Misha laughed, trying to pull Jensen's sleeve up.

"Just leave me alone" Jensen's voice was shaky.

"Nah I think we are going to see what you hide under those sleeves and then shove you in a locker and leave you there"

"Like hell you are" Jared said, coming into the hall making both Jake and Misha jump away from Jensen.

"This ain't none of your business Padalecki" Jake scowled.

"When you're threatening one of my friends it becomes my problem"

"Only you would befriend the junkie" Misha spat.

"Get out and never let me find out you guy try to hurt him again"

Both of them scowled again, but turned on their heels and walked out of the other end of the hall.

"Thank you" Jensen said as a tear fell down his cheeks.

"It's no problem, are you ok?"

"Is that really what people think about me?"

Jared nodded slightly. "Yea, because of the sleeves"

"How did you get them to leave like that, it's not like they aren't athletic" Jensen said, pulling at one of the sleeves.

"They used to pick on me when we were growing up, then I shot up to this height and can bench press about 250"

Jensen looked at him in surprise.

"I know I really don't look much like it, but I can"

"I don't shoot anything up" Jensen said suddenly.

"I never thought you did"

"Will you come to my house, I think it's time I was honest with you"

Jared nodded and followed Jensen when he started heading down the hall.

-0-

Jensen lived in a little two story house that was a bright white, with green trim and shutters. Unlocking the door he shoved it open and they stepped in.

"I'm home" He called, not getting an answer. "Come on this way"

Leading him up the stairs they went through one of the doors and Jared looked around at Jensens room. There were a few band posters on the wall, some drawings, a guitar in the corner and a cluttered desk. The bed was made and Jensen dropped his bag on the floor before sitting on it, Jared following suit.

"Are you ready for a long story?" Jensen asked, rubbing his arm.

Jared nodded, slipping his shoes off and sitting cross legged on the bed, Jensen doing the same.

"Ok I always knew I was gay" Jensen started, making Jared blink a few times but nod none the less.

"Well you can bet that didn't go to well with kids in school when all the girls would giggle and say they wanted the boy of their dreams and I was agreeing"

Jensen took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Well the teachers would tell my mom and she would tell me I was just confused, we never told my dad. He found out when I was 11 and kissing my first boyfriend under the tree in our back yard"

Jared frowned a little and put his hand over Jensen's that were shaking, earning him a small smile.

"He didn't take it well?"

"He chased the guy out of the back yard and beat me with his belt" Jensen let out a small sob.

"I'm sorry"

Jensen just shrugged a little. "After that I came to live with my aunt and uncle since they were worried about me"

"Do they accept you?"

"Well enough, they are kind of in an don't ask don't tell and don't have unprotected sex"

Jared nodded and gave Jensen's hand a squeeze.

"It's nice but at the same time it hurts not really having someone to talk to"

"You have me"

Jensen smiled sadly. "I doubt for long"

"What do you mean?"

"Can I finish my story?"

Jared nodded.

"Well after I moved out things got better for a while, but then the bullying at school started. At first it wasn't that bad, but then as we got older it got worse since they knew what I was. You remember when I told you I don't shoot anything up?"

"Yea"

"Well I don't but I am addicted to pain killers"

Jared frowned a little. "How did that happen?"

"At first it started with taking one every day when I came home from school since I would be sore and have a headache. Then I started taking one in the morning before I went to school so it could help stop the daily punches I got waiting for the first bell"

"How high of a milligram?"

"600, my uncle has them for his arthritis but likes Aleve better, says it works more so he gives the pills to me"

"Doesn't he know?"

"Doesn't really care all that much since I think he thinks I sell them, as long as my aunt thinks he's taking them, doesn't care"

"Oh"

"Yea and it's like I feel I could stop at anytime, but I like that it makes all physical pain stop"

"So why the sleeves?" Jared asked softly.

Jensen took a deep breath and pulled his hands out from under Jared's, sliding his sleeve up making the taller male gasp. There were cuts from his wrist all the way to where the shirt was and he could guess they extended up more. Some of the scars were more pronounced than others and there were a few cuts that looked just a few days old.

"That's why, I don't really want to be sent to a guidance councilor since I don't want to kill myself, it just helps when the mental pain gets too much. Something to focus on"

Jared nodded and reached his hand out before stopping himself. "Can I?"

"You want to touch them? You're not grossed out?"

Jared shook his head.

"Go ahead" He said, his voice shook a little.

Reaching out again he ran the tip of his finger first over the cuts, then over the scars focusing a lot of the ones by his wrist. Jensen let out a shaky breath as Jared moved his finger over all of them.

"I'm sorry" Jared said softly, fingers still moving over his wrist, looking up at him.

"Don't be most of the people that see them are disgusted by them" Tears were falling steadily.

"Did you try to kill yourself?" Jared asked in a small voice, running his finger over the big one by the vein in his wrist.

"Yea but my friend at the time got to me in time and saved me, then we stopped being friend when they said it was to hard worrying about me"

Holding back his own tears Jared lifted Jensen's wrist and gave the scar a gentle kiss before pulling Jensen into his lap sideways.

"I'm so sorry you've had such a sucky life" Jared said as Jensen sobbed into his neck. "And I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to be here for you"

Jensen said a shaky thank you and ended up crying himself to sleep in Jared's arms. Maneuvering them into a lying position, Jared pulled Jensen close tucking the smaller man under his chin. Sending a text to his parents he told them he would be late, he wasn't going to let Jensen wake up alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Blinking a few times, Jensen tried to groggily remember how he ended up lying down, jumping a little when an arm tightened around him. Looking over his shoulder he furrowed his brow seeing Jared in his bed, until he remembered. He had told him about the pills and the cutting and he was still there. Rolling onto his back jostled Jared a bit, making the taller male open his eyes slowly.

"Hi there" Jared said, his voice rough from sleep.

"What are you still doing here, we have school tomorrow"

"I know," Jared said, pulling Jensen's back to his chest and wrapping his other arm under his head. "But I didn't want you to wake up alone"

"Jared, how can you still want to be my friend?"

"Because you need one and I don't think you are disgusting or weird or any of the other things that you call yourself in your head"

"Thank you" Jensen said in a tiny voice wrapping his hands around Jared's arm pulling it closer to him.

"You don't have to thank me"

"Yes I do, not even my own family really cares about me and here you are still with me since you didn't want me to wake up alone"

"You don't deserve any of what you get Jen and I care about you"

Jensen let out a shaky breath before wiggling until he was facing Jared and wrapped his one arm around him, the other folded between them. Holding him close Jared could feel his tears against his neck.

"Shhh it's ok, it's going to be ok" Jared soothed, rubbing his hand up and down his back.

"Don't leave me, please don't" Jensen sobbed out.

"I'm not going anywhere, tomorrow is Friday you can come over or I can stay here the whole weekend if you want"

"You would do that?"

"I really would"

"Let me stay at your house?"

"No problem, I can even text my mom and ask if I can stay tonight"

"Please?" Jensen said so softly, Jared almost missed it.

Jared nodded and reached under the pillow where he stashed his phone and sent the text, marveling at it was only 8 o' clock. A few minutes later the ok came in and Jared told him so.

"Think I could borrow a shirt for tomorrow then?"

"Yea, since contrary to belief I do have short sleeves shirts" Jensen said, making Jared smile a little.

"That's not funny"

"It's a little funny" Jensen said, then blushed a little as his stomach growled.

"Hungry?"

"I normally eat something when I come home" A thoughtful look passed over his face.

"What?"

"Normally I eat and then take one of the pills and I didn't"

"How are you feeling about that?"

Jensen opened and closed his mouth a few times. "I don't feel as jittery as I normally do if I don't take one"

"Do you want to eat and take one now?"

His head snapped up a bewildered look on his face. "What?"

"What what?"

"Aren't you going to try and stop me from doing it?"

Jared shook his head a little. "As much as I don't want you to do it anymore, I can't just expect me to ask you and bam you're going to be able to stop. We can get you a pill cutter if you want, something that you can still take and not feel as jittery but not be taking as much. Then after that we can cut the half in half"

"How do you not have a girlfriend?" Jensen asked a little awestruck.

"Well considering I don't like girls could have something to do with it"

Jensen let out a little laugh. "Then how don't you have a boyfriend?"

Jared shrugged.

"You would really do that though? Help me get off of them?"

"If you want to get off of them, I'll help you through it"

Smiling again Jensen gave Jared another hug and pulled away sitting up. "Thank you, no one has ever cared enough to try and help me"

Jared came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Well I do and please don't ever try again" He said, picking up Jensen's wrist and ran his thumb over the large scar lightly.

"I won't" Jensen said. "But I can't I mean"

"I don't expect you to really stop that either" Jared said, hugging him. "I would love for you to and to talk to me instead but I can't make you stop"

Jensen nodded, putting his hands over Jared's. "I don't want to, it helps but I think since I have you it might be a little easier" He smiled looking at Jared, whos head was on his shoulder.

"I'll be there for you and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon"

"I know" Jensen said, giving him as small kiss on the cheek, then backing up blushing. "Sorry"

"Don't be" Jared smiled and kissed him on the corner of his jaw.

Jensen smiled again and then rolled his eyes as his stomach growled again.

"Lets go get some food in you before your stomach wakes up the whole block" Jared laughed and gave him another squeeze before letting him up.

Jensen rolled his eyes again but smiled as they made their way down to the kitchen.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dude what are you wearing?" Chad asked, as Jared walked up to his locker that was next to Chads.

"Clothes?" Jared smirked, earning an eye roll.

"Ok you have never even listen to any Led Zeppelin songs, let alone have one of their shirts" He pointed out.

"Well I borrowed it" He answered putting his bag away and grabbing the books he would need.

"From?"

"Jensen"

"Ah well at least he has a taste in music" Chad declared as said male walked up.

"Hey Jen" Jared said at the same time Chad said 'Hey dude'.

"I applaud your taste in music, now if only we could convert country boy over here" Chad said, jerking his thumb in Jared's direction.

"We can try, but once your music taste sucks, you can never come to the good side" Jensen said in a loud whisper making Chad crack up.

"You're alright Dude, but I am going to go try my luck at getting a date with Kristen this weekend, peace losers" He said, before tuning on his heels and heading down the hall.

"Sucky music taste huh? Just for that I'm blaring country all weekend" He declared, closing his locker.

"Did you talk to your mom about that?" Jensen asked scratching the back of his neck.

"Yea her and my dad said it's fine and if you want you can use the guest room if you like"

Jensen's face flashed with panic for a second, before Jared bumped him a little. "I told her that we would just crash in my room though, so you wouldn't possibly disturb anyone in going in and out"

"Thank you"

"No problem, so head to your house after school and pick up what you need then head to my house? Maybe get a burger or something after?"

"Sounds good"

Jared nodded and clapped him on the shoulder as they got to Jensen's class and they parted ways.

-0-

"You guys won't believe this" Chad said sitting down at the lunch table with Jared and Jensen.

"You were right and Mr. Speight and Mr. Cohan ARE dating?" Jared asked, stealing one of Jensen's fries.

"That will be proven but no, she said yes!"

"Who? The lunch lady when you asked if you were annoying her?" Jensen quipped taking a bite of his chicken sandwich.

"You two are just a barrel of laughs today" Chad groaned. "No Kristen she said she would go out with me this weekend"

"Did you bribe her?" Jared asked.

"Blackmail more than likely" Jensen added.

"J squared the comedians" Chad flipped them off, starting in on his own food.

"J Squared?" Jared cocked an eyebrow.

"Jared and Jensen, J squared" Chad said with a mouth full.

"If you say so dude" He chuckled and stole another of Jensen's fries.

-0-

"Yea give me two double whoppers, two large fries and two large chocolate shakes to go please" Jared said into the speaker.

It crackled to life and told him the total and to pull around, which he did to the first window. Giving the girl the money he took his change and got to the other window and sat there.

"Why aren't you letting me buy anything?" Jensen asked, making Jared look at him.

"It's just lunch"

"You wouldn't let me pay at the drug store either" He pointed out.

Jared just shrugged and smiled. They had stopped at the drug store to get a pill cutter like Jared promised and ended up with a bunch of snacks, drinks and candy.

"I do have money you know, I don't have a lot but I do get an allowance from my aunt for keeping the house clean" Jensen said.

"I know, but my parents are so loaded they would give me a hundred dollar bill if I asked for it and not blink an eye. I know, they've done it"

"Why did you need a hundred dollars?" Jensen asked, tilting his head.

"I didn't, it was more to prove a point"

"Here is your food sir" A voice at the window said.

Taking their food and shakes he thanked the girl and took off towards his house, his hand on Jensen's arm, thumb running over the scar. Getting there Jared carried the food and the bags from the store while Jensen got the shakes and his bag. Heading to Jared's room, he kicked the door shut and laid the stuff on the floor and put the food on the bed. Kicking his shoes and socks off he climbed on the bed and sat does, Jensen doing the same. Handing Jensen his food, he dug into his own.

"So how was school?" Jared asked, around a mouthful.

"Boring, Jake and Misha gave me a few looks but other than that it was ok"

"Those dicks" Jared mumbled. "So when do you want to start with cutting the pills?"

Jensen shrugged a little. "Maybe right now? So I can see over the weekend how it works"

Jared nodded and looked in the bags until he found the little box and handed it to Jensen.

"Thanks" He said softly, reaching into his own bag and pulling out the bottle.

Cutting one of them in half he popped it in his mouth and put the other half back in the bottle. Swallowing it with his shake he made a small face.

"What?"

"Tastes worse now"

Jared laughed a little. "Sorry"

"Eh, I'll deal" He said taking a bite of his burger.

Once they were done Jared went and threw the garbage out and came back, Jensen lying on the bed. Lying down next to him he smiled a little.

"Can I ask something?" Jared asked.

"What?"

"Well can I," He took a breath. "Can I see the rest of them?"

"The rest of? Oh" Jensen said softly as Jared thumbed his wrist again.

"If you don't want me to that's fine, but I'm guessing that what you showed me isn't all of them"

"No that's not all of them, are you sure you want to see them?"

"Only if you want to show me"

Jensen fidgeted a little then sat up and slipped the shirt off, Jared gasping lightly. The scars extended up both of his arms, a row of them on the top right of his chest and the word fag on his left hip bone.

"Jensen" Jared said softly, trailing his fingers over them.

"If you're wondering no I didn't do the word, that was my dad, the cuts were really deep" Jensen said in a low voice.

"I could kill him you know" Jared said sitting against the headboard and pulling Jensen into his lap again.

"I believe you would and I haven't believed anything people have said to me in a long time" He said his head resting on Jared's shoulder, the tip of his nose touching his neck.

"I really wish I could have been there for you"

"You're here now and that's all I can ask"

"Is there any on your legs?" Jared asked, leaning his head on Jensen's.

A small nod. "Yea just about ten right here" He said, pointing on his thigh.

Jared held Jensen close, giving the top of his head a small kiss.

"How many people have seen them?" He asked, his thumb finding the big scar again.

"Six. Two ex girl friends, three ex boyfriends and one bully at school. Some of them are because of what happened after the ex's saw them"

"Hmm?"

"Well they knew about them since it is kind of hard to hide things like that when you're dating, but they never saw them. One of the girls and two of the boys said I was ugly with them when I showed them, the others said the scars were ugly and that was that"

"What about the bully?"

"He called me a freak and a bunch of other things and threatened to tell the school if I didn't move"

"That's why you came here"

"Yea and from how you are I can't say it was a bad thing, though I doubt I'll ever find a guy for me. The girls in came later when I was trying to be normal, knew it wasn't going to work but I could hope"

"You'll find someone who thinks you're as gorgeous as I do"

"What?" Jensen asked, pulling his head back and looking at him.

"Uh I mean" Jared started then just shrugged a little. "I think you are gorgeous, scars and all"

"Really?"

"Really, before I went to talk to you I could never keep my eyes off of you and truth be told I still can't"

"But I'm"

"Someone who has been hurt by way to many people in his life and is still here to tell the tale" Jared cut him off.

"I guess that's one way to look at it" Jensen said, lips curling up a little.

"Now tell me you don't feel the same as I do and I'll still be here, date someone and I'll kick his ass if he hurts you"

"The first day you talked to me I had to stop my heart from pounding out of my chest, I saw you all the time in the school and thought you were over the top hot. But I just figured that you would think I was gross so I never tried talking to you, hurt one too many times to try making the first move"

Jared nodded slightly. "I can get that"

"But then you turned out to be this amazing person who wants to help me, no matter how long it could take and you like me. I keep waiting to wake up and all of this to just be a dream"

"It's not, trust me" He smiled.

"Yea, people aren't this nice in my dreams"

Jared hugged him again, Jensen's hand resting on the side of Jared's neck.

"Can I ask something else?" Jared asked softly.

"Hmm?" Jensen hummed.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked, pulling his head back and looking at him.

Jensen blushed lightly and gave a small nod, moving his hand off of Jared's neck. Leaning forward Jared wrapped his hand around the back of Jensen's neck and pulled him gently to him. Their lips met softly in the middle, moving gently together, Jared's thumb brushing his jaw. Pulling back Jared smiled and licked his bottom lips, Jensen following the movement, before leaning back up their lips meeting again.

"Jared, Jensen could you come help me with the groceries?" Jared's mom called from down stairs making the two jump apart.

"Till later" Jared said, giving him one more chaste kiss.

Jensen nodded, smiling as he reached for his shirt and slipped in on.


	4. Chapter 4

"Wakey wakey eggs and bakey" Jared said into Jensen's ear, rubbing his side.

Jensen made a noise that sounded vaguely like 'fuck off' and covered his face with half of Jared's pillow.

"How about if there is some coffee involved and maybe some kisses?"

Jensen peeked at him before rolling onto his back with a groan. "Are you always this pesky in the morning?"

"Why yes, I do believe I am" Jared smiled, slipping his hand up Jensen's shirt, resting his hand on the warm skin.

"How does anyone deal with you?"

"Well my mom gives me food and my dad just kind of hides in his paper and I believe this" He leaned closer, lips almost touching Jensen's. "Is how you're going to deal with me"

He smiled and leaned in more, pressing their lips together his hand moving to curl around Jensen's hip. Jensen's arms wrapped around Jared's neck lightly, holding him in place as he lazily kissed him.

"So is there really eggs and bacon or are you just lying to get me up?" Jensen said when they parted.

"There really is, my mom makes breakfast on Saturday's before her and my dad leave for work"

Jensen groaned and kissed Jared once more before pushing him away and sitting up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Here" Jared said, holding out half of one of Jensen's pills.

"Thanks" He said, taking it and swallowing it with the bottle of water he had by the bed from last night.

"Now lets get up and start the day" Jared smiled and Jensen couldn't help but smile back.

Heading down stairs Jared chuckled a little as Jensen's stomach rumbled at the smells in the kitchen.

"Well good morning" Mrs. Padalecki smiled, putting two full plates on the table and a cup of coffee for Jensen and milk for Jared. "Nice to actually see someone not all bubbly in the morning"

"Hey" Jared said, sitting down.

"Well you are very bubbly in the morning, deal with it"

Jensen laughed and sat down, taking a drink of the coffee and letting out a small hum.

"So what do you two have planned for today?" She asked, making a cup of coffee to go.

"Dunno" Jared said, starting to eat.

"Well you know there is a football game at the school tonight"

"I've never been to a sport event at a school" Jensen said thoughtfully.

"You haven't?"

"Nope"

"Wanna go?"

"Sure" Jensen smiled.

-0-

"Hey" Jensen yelled above the noise the crowd was making.

"Yea?" Jared said, turning towards him.

"I have to go, I'll be right back ok?"

"Ok" Jared smiled and snuck a quick kiss before going back to watching the game.

Smiling Jensen got up and headed down the bleachers and walked the little bit and into the school. The sign for the bathroom pointed to the ones that were in the locker rooms, so he headed there and did his business. After washing his hands he started heading back out past the lockers when a hand grabbed him and pushed him against the metal.

"Hey there junkie" Misha growled pushing his hand in the middle of Jensen's chest.

"What do you want?"

"Just to prove that you are what we all think you are and that you're getting new druggies" Jake said, grabbing for Jensen's arm.

"I don't and what?" He said pulling his arm away.

"Yea you know Padalecki, he's been spending a lot of time with you and it's going to be only a matter of time before he starts rocking the long sleeves isn't it?"

"Just leave me alone" Jensen struggled, only to be pushed harder into the locker.

"No let us see your arms then, prove you aren't a junkie" Misha said, trying for Jensen's arm.

"No, just let me go" He said, pulling his arms away again.

"Not until you show us your arms you freak" Jake said, trying for his arms as well.

Jensen pushed at Misha's arm again, getting it down for a few seconds before Jake shoved him back against the locker.

"Don't think so, your knight in shining armor isn't around this time"

"Like hell I'm not" Jared shouted making the two of them jump.

"Jared, hey just having a little" Was all Jake got out before Jared's fist connected with his jaw making him fall to the floor.

Tossing Jensen his car keys, Jared rounded on Misha as Jensen took off out of the locker room.

"Hey we were just"

"What the fuck did I say to you?" Jared growled out, his fist hitting Misha on the apple of his cheek.

"Why are you so protective of that"

"You call him a junkie one more time I will break something" Jared said pulling Jake up off the ground and shoving him into Misha. "Now listen and listen good, you two or any one else ever bothers him again I will personally put you in the hospital. Do you understand?"

"Fuck you" Jake spat, then flinched as Jared stepped closer and grabbed the collar of his shirt.

"What was that?"

"Sure we'll leave your little boyfriend alone" Jake gasped out.

"You better" Jared shoved him into Misha again and turned on his heels, heading out of the room.

Getting to his car he frowned seeing Jensen curled into a ball in the front seat, flinching a little when Jared opened the car.

"Are you ok?" Jared asked in a soft tone.

"Let's go home, please?" Jensen asked, his voice shaky.

Jared nodded and took the keys from the dash board, starting the car and taking off after putting his seat belt on. The drive was quiet Jensen never moving from the ball until they got to Jared's and then he kept his distance from the other male. Once they were inside Jared followed Jensen to his room where he sat in the middle of the bed.

"Jensen I'm sorry those guys bothered you again" Jared said sitting in front of him.

"It doesn't matter, these scars are hideous and with then I can't even prove that I'm not a junkie"

"They are not and people are stupid for thinking those things, you don't act like one"

"How can you say that, they are and with them I am too I mean" Jensen took off his shirt, holding out his wrists. "How can you not think I'm ugly"

"Because you aren't" Jared said, moving up on to his knees and pushing Jensen onto his back.

Straightening out Jensen's legs, Jared straddled his thighs and lifted his right arm, placing a kiss over the first scar.

"You're gorgeous" Kiss to the next one. "Perfect" Next one kissed. "Wonderful" Another one kissed.

Jared went on like this, kissing over each one saying another praise, even stripping Jensen's jeans off to kiss the ones on his thigh.

"Jared" Jensen said with a quiet sob.

"I know you don't think highly of yourself and it bothers you that you can't prove those asses wrong, but please don't for a second think I think anything bad about you"

Wrapping his arms around Jared's neck he pulled the taller male against him, sobbing into his neck.

"I don't deserve you"

"Yes you do, you deserve something good in your life and I'm more than happy to be that good thing"

Jensen just held him closer, Jared whispering more praises into his ear as the sobs quieted down.

"I'm sorry" Jensen let out a small laugh when he let go of Jared enough for him to pull back and his shirt shoulder was covered in tears.

"Don't be, I don't think you let those emotions out for a long time"

"I really haven't" Jensen said, wiping at his eyes.

Jared pushed his hand away and wiped the rest of the tears away with his fingers, kissing the places where the drops had stopped. Wrapping his fingers into Jared's hair Jensen pulled him down again, their lips meeting. Kissing him gently Jared wrapped his hand around Jensen's wrist, thumb playing over the large scar.

"Why do you do that so much?" Jensen asked, when they broke apart.

"Proof that you could have never been in my life and I'm so glad you are" He said with a small smile.

"Stop being so perfect" Jensen smiled and kissed him again.

"Never" He chuckled and kissed him back.

"Jared, Jensen we're home with pizza" Mr. Padalecki called from down stairs.

Jared groaned lightly and collapsed a bit on Jensen resting his head against his shoulder. "My parents suck"

"I think they are pretty awesome"

"Stop making out up there and come eat" His mom yelled, making both boys blush.

"Now I think they suck a bit too" Jensen laughed as Jared got off of him.

Standing up and getting his clothes back on Jared gave him one more kiss before they headed out of the room. "Don't tell me what to do" He yelled back, holding on to Jensen's hand.

Both of his parents just laughed which made Jensen blush more when they sat down at the table, starting in on the pizza. Jensen couldn't help but smile though when Jared's mom smacked his hand and told him to get a plate after getting him a glass of Coke. He hadn't felt that at home in a long time.


	5. Chapter 5

"We should go to the park" Jared announced suddenly over breakfast.

Jensen looked up from his pancakes with a raised eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because it would be fun, that's why" He smiled and ate another bite of his own food.

"I seriously think that you were dropped on your head as a kid, no one should be this happy in the morning" Jensen said a hint of a smile on his face none the less.

"Come on, please?" Jared said, grabbing Jensen's hand, giving him the puppy dog eyes.

"Gah fine we can go to the park, geez"

Smiling more Jared went back to eating his pancakes, his legs reaching out and trapping Jensen's making him chuckle.

After they were done and the dishes were washed and put away, they both brushed their teeth and got dressed. Heading out Jared locked the door and started walking in the direction of that park that was just a few blocks away.

"It's so nice out today" Jared smiled, his hand bumping against Jensen's.

"It is"

"Can I ask you something?" Jared asked, looking a little nervous.

"Hmm?"

"How do you stand wearing the long sleeves all the time, especially in the summer?"

"Well most of the time it's slightly uncomfortable when it gets hotter but the thoughts of people seeing the scars keeps it ok. Mostly in the summer I lock my self in my room with the air on and just wear short sleeves if a shirt at all"

Jared nodded and frowned a little taking Jensen's hand in his as they continued their walk to the park. "I see"

"Yea, I've gotten all kinds of questions from people about the sleeves, most of the time I just shrug and let them make their own assumptions. As you also know my aunt and uncle don't really care much about what I do as long as I'm not getting into trouble"

"Yea, well we have central air at my house for when you bum around it all summer long" Jared smiled and gave Jensen's hand a squeeze.

"You're going to get sick of me" Jensen said as they walked into the park and then squeaked as Jared pushed him into the shade of the trees and against the bark.

"I don't see that happening" He smiled and leaned down a little, pressing their lips together.

Jensen smiled against his lips and kissed back for a few moments until Jared moved back and smiled brightly.

"So shall we go?" He chuckled and held out his arm.

"Not unless you give me a piggy back ride" Jensen said with a smirk.

Jared dropped his arm and let out a startled laugh but turned around and crouched down any way. Wrapping his arms around Jared's neck he moved his legs around him and tried not to squeak as Jared grabbed his legs and stood up. Adjusting himself Jensen smiled and kissed the side of Jared's neck.

"Onward ho" Jensen chuckled.

"Calling me a ho now?" Jared smiled back at him as he started heading to the swings.

"Never" Jensen smiled and rested his cheek against Jared's hair as the taller male carried him.

Getting to the swings Jensen gave him one more kiss to the neck before he hopped down and got on one. Going behind him Jared gave him a few pushes before getting on his own and swinging. Watching Jensen laugh and swing made something in Jared's heart flutter. He never really saw him so happy and carefree before and it made him hope that he at least had something to do with it. Jared didn't realize he had stopped swinging until Jensen slowed down as well and just barely rocked back and forth.

"What's on your mind?" Jensen asked, leaning the back of his head against the chain furthest away from Jared.

"You"

"Me? What about me?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Just, you look so happy and for once like not bogged down"

"Well I'm on the swings with my amazing boy friend, how else would you expect me to be?" Jensen smiled softly and held out his hand.

Jared wrapped his fingers in Jensen's and tugged a little, the other male leaning towards him. Pressing their lips together Jared couldn't help but let out a contented sigh as they kissed softly. The tentative touch of Jensen's tongue against his lips startled him for a moment, but eagerly parted his lips. By the time they broke apart both were short of breath and smiling.

"Wow" Jared said. "You've been holding out on me"

Jensen just laughed, even more carefree than his smile and gave Jared's hand another squeeze before hopping off the swing.

"Race you to the jungle gym" He smiled and took off.

Jared gasped for a second then jumped off the swing and ran after Jensen. When he caught up to Jensen he was at the top of the gym and smiling down at Jared who quickly joined him.

"Cheater"

"All's fair in love and war" Jensen smiled and jumped down and made his way over and back on the monkey bars.

Jared smiled more and went down the slide a few times then followed Jensen's example on the monkey bars. They messed around on the gym for an hour or more, taking small breaks to play tag with Jared won more often than not. When the sun started getting to hot they retreated under the shade of a big tree. Jared laid on his back with one arm under his head with the other around Jensen who was curled against his side, resting his head on his shoulder.

"I don't remember the last time I had that much fun" Jensen smiled.

"Well be ready for lots of fun with me" Jared said turning his head and kissed Jensen lightly.

"In what way?" He asked flicking his eyebrow suggestively.

"In whatever way you want" Jared said, kissing him again for a moment.

"Hmmm I like that answer" He said cuddling closer to Jared. "Can I just take a nap?"

"Go ahead, I'll wake you in an hour or so, then we can go get lunch" Jared smiled, kissing his forehead.

Jensen yawned a little and nodded, his eyes slipping shut. A few minutes later his breathing evened out and Jared smiled more, looking at him. The broken boy looked so peaceful that Jared couldn't help but smile and kiss his forehead again. It was going to be a long road to get Jensen to be happy everyday, with out limits or anything else. But Jared was up to it and wasn't letting Jensen go for anything.


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh my god Jensen, did you hear?" Jared said excitedly as he came up to the other teen in the hall way.

"If you didn't tell me, I probably didn't know" Jensen smirked at the huff that his answer got.

"Funny, hilarious but NO guess what is coming an hour away"

"Is that a rhetorical guess or do you really want me to?" Jensen said, putting the books he would need for the weekend in his backpack.

"Jeeeen you are taking all the fun out of this"

"The fun out of what exactly"

"Me trying to ask you to spend the weekend with me"

"Jared, I spend every weekend with you" Jensen pointed out as he closed his locker.

"Not everyone, there was that one two weeks ago" Jared said and took his hand as they started heading towards the doors.

"Your mom had the flu and didn't want me sick" Jensen said. "Anyway, what's coming an hours drive away?"

"Huh? OH that, the state fair dude!"

"And that's exciting because?"

"I want to go and I want you to come with me"

"Fine, since I know that I'm not getting out of this" Jensen smiled and kissed Jared before they parted to get into Jared's car.

Which is how they found themselves on the road, heading toward the city, with bags packed for the weekend. Once they got to the hotel Jared did a tour of the place while Jensen relaxed on the big king sized bed. The door clicked as Jared let himself in and before Jensen could open his eyes he was blanketed by him.

"Guess what?"

"What?" He asked, smiling up at him.

"They do have a pool"

Jensen's smile slipped off his face and it took Jared a moment for his brain to catch up before he pulled Jensen closer.

"Shit I'm sorry baby, I didn't even think, damn it I'm sorry"

"Don't be, it's ok go and have fun I'll stay here"

Jared shook his head and tried to fight the tears that were starting to form. "I didn't even think, I'm so stupid"

"No hey, you are not stupid, it's not your fault that I can't do things like going swimming or even being shirtless with out getting judged"

"I never think before I open my mouth, since now you are going to feel bad and try and tell me something about finding someone that can do those things since they make me happy and I don't want you to do that"

Jensen sighed. "Ok I won't say those things, but you know it's true"

"No it's not, you make me happy and I don't care if I never have to go swimming again, I'm not leaving you"

"Pain in the ass" Jensen said fondly and leaned up and kissed Jared for a few minutes before pulling back and pushing at his shoulder. "Go swimming, I'll be here when you get back"

"Come with me"

"And watch you get all wet?"

"That or read a book, do your homework, throw things at me, I really don't care what you do just that you're there with me"

"You are not going to give this up are you?"

"Nope, though if I really wanted to be a pest, I would say put on my extra swim trunks and a shirt and come in the pool with me"

"Won't I look just a little odd?"

"Who cares" Jared smiled.

Jensen laughed a little and nodded, getting up and grabbing the clothes Jared held out to him and headed into the bathroom.

Turns out they didn't need to worry how Jensen looked since there wasn't anyone down there. It was really nice when Jensen pinned Jared against the pool wall and kissed him until he was a whimpering mess. Getting back to the room they took their showers and fell asleep soon after watching a little tv.

-0-

"Up and at um" Jared said into Jensen's ear, kissing the outer shell of it.

"No, go away" Jensen mumbled, though he knew it wasn't going to do any good.

"There is this lovely breakfast waiting for you and maybe even some kisses"

"Just maybe?" Jensen said, yawning into the pillow.

"Fine, defiantly some kisses"

Jensen let out a small laugh and stretched before grabbing Jared and rolling him under him.

"Hi there" Jared smiled.

"Hi" Jensen smiled and leaning down kissing Jared for a bit before he yawned again and rolled out of bed and heading to the small table.

"So I take it after breakfast we're heading out?"

"You bet'cha"

"Yea, yea just let me have my coffee in peace" Jensen said, smiling as Jared fake pouted.

After the food was gone they got dressed and headed out a big smile on Jared's face the whole time.

"No one should be your level of happy over a state fair" Jensen said as they walked around the grounds.

"Oh shush or I won't win you a stuffed animal before we leave"

"Whatever will I do?" Jensen said, in a overdramatic sigh.

Jared laughed and pushed at his shoulder before dragging Jensen over to where they were selling cotton candy.

 

"Really?" Jensen laughed at Jared ordered and waited for the pink sugary treat.

"Yes really, now will you stop being snarky and just enjoy yourself?" Jared asked as he pulled Jensen towards a bench and sat down.

"But I like being snarky" He said, watching Jared eat.

"Well I do to, but I want you to have fun" He said, pulling off a piece and holding it to Jensen's lips.

Jensen smiled and ate the treat off his fingers, making sure to flick his tongue out against the pad of Jared's thumb.

"Tease" Jared said.

"Well you know that we have the hotel room all this weekend and won't be bothered if you want me to be not a tease, oooo look fried Oreos, I'll be right back" Jensen smiled and kissed a stunned Jared before getting up and heading over to booth.

When he came back Jared had finished the cotton candy and they split the Oreos, Jared happily eating the one that Jensen fed him.

The rest of the day went by in a blur as they went on all the small rides, sharing kisses as the Farris wheel had them at the top. Eating tons of different fried food and the drinks, taking small breaks to let the food settle before doing other things.

"Is this necessary?" Jensen asked as Jared paid for three baseballs.

"I told you I was going to win you something, didn't I?" Jared smiled and picked one of the baseballs up.

The sun was starting to set on their day and Jared had insisted that he was going to win Jensen something before they left however. Winding back Jared threw the ball and hit half off the wooden bottles. Throwing the other two he got the rest of them and picked a medium sized brown moose and handed it with a smile to Jensen. Taking it with a small blush Jared took his hand and lead them to where the car was.

"So what are you going to make it?" Jared asked, when they were in the car.

"I have to name it?"

"Yep"

"Fine, how about…. Sam"

"Sam?"

Jensen nodded and hugged the thing to his chest.

"Ok, Sam it is" Jared smiled and took Jensen's hand in his. "Did you have fun?"

"Yea, it was more fun than I was expecting, did you have fun?"

"I was out with you, of course I did" Jared smiled and kissed Jensen's knuckles.

Jensen smiled and leaned his head back against the car seat as Jared sang softly along to the radio. When they got back to the hotel they both stripped down to their boxers and shared a few more kisses before Jared nuzzled his head under Jensen's chin.

"So what's on the plate for tomorrow?" Jensen asked tiredly, running his fingers in Jared's hair.

"Hmm I like your idea" Jared said with a small chuckle.

"You would, pervert" Jensen said, with a fond tone.

"You wouldn't have said it if you didn't want me to think about it" Jared said, his thumb rubbing over Jensen's wrist.

"Good point" Jensen chuckled and kissed Jared's head. "So a day in bed, I can deal with that"

"So can I"

They said their good nights and I love you's before they both drifted off to sleep, Sam watching over them with his sewed on smile.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Description of cutting in this chapter

The next morning Jensen was a little surprised to wake up naturally with out Jared bouncing around. Rolling over he blinked a few times and focused on the piece of paper of Jared's pillow. Picking it up he sat up and yawned as he looked over the slightly messy scrawl on the paper.

"Jen, Went to get some things from the store, should be back soon.

Oh and if you're looking for Sam, he's in the bathroom I accidentally got syrup on him and washed him for you

Love, Jared"

Jensen smiled a little and rolled out of bed and made his way over to the small table and poured himself a cup of coffee. Once he was done with the food he decided on taking a shower since he was getting a little jittery about when Jared would be back. Grabbing his towel he slipped off his clothes and headed into the bathroom. His shower was relatively short and he stepped out of the room when he was done, skin still damp, towel wrapped around his waist and a bellow of steam following him. A small knock on the door made him laugh a little, Jared would be one to forget his key. Opening the door he froze as the maid on the other side let out a horrified gasp.

"You sick human being" She scowled and pushed the small stack of hotel towels she was holding into Jensen's chest. "Sick, sick, sick" She muttered as she walked away quickly.

Closing the door with a snap he tossed the towels onto the floor and ran into the bathroom. Dry heaving a few times over the toilet he let out a choked sob as tears spilled down his cheeks. Standing up he opened the medicine cabinet and looked around finding one of the disposable razors the hotel provided. Putting it on the sink he grabbed the soap dish and smacked it till he heard it snap and the metal falling into the sink. Grabbing it he sat down heavily on the edge of the tub and held his wrist out and made a cut over one of the old scars.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid' Ran through Jensen's mind as he reopened one after another of the cuts on his arm.

"What is wrong with you?" Another one open. "You know better, you know to be fucking careful" Two more.

Looking at the gathering of bleeding cuts on his arm he scowled. Jared.

"You fell in love and look what happened, you just assumed it was him and look" Jensen sobbed making another cut near the bend of his elbow.

"Couldn't you just wait until I got up, us go out together?" Jensen pushed on a part of his arm and hissed at the pain that shot up his arm.

Looking up through his tears he saw the blank eyes of Sam sitting on the hamper, looking at him, one of his paws a little darker than the rest of him. Standing up he grabbed the moose and pushed his neck up with his pointer finger and placed his thumb wide exposing his neck. Putting the razor to it's fake fur he stopped as the blood from his wrist dripped into him. Moving the razor back, he gasped and dropped Sam back on the hamper before letting the razor fall into the sink. Sitting heavily on the tub again he let out a sob again and put his face in his hand, his cut arm hanging between his legs.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there before he half heard the door open and Jared call out once before walking into the room. A gasp tore out of the taller teen as Jensen lifted his head once before dropping it and sobbing more.

"Baby" Jared gasped before grabbing a wash cloth.

Kneeling down next to the small puddle on the floor Jared worked cleaning the blood off Jensen's arm and away from the cuts. Once they more or less stopped bleeding, Jared grabbed the first aid kit and pulled out the medicine, covering each cut. After they were covered in the medicine he carefully wrapped gauze around Jensen's arm, whist whispering 'it's ok's' and 'it'll be ok'. Putting on the last piece of tape Jared suddenly found himself being hugged tight by Jensen, the male sobbing into his neck.

"Shh it's ok Jen, what happened"

Jensen tried a few times but each time the words got stuck in his throat and Jared nodded, kissing the side of his head.

"Come on, lets get you to the bed" Jared said, standing up picking Jensen up with him.

Jensen clung to his neck, the sobs coming out more silently now, but still there. Lying him down Jared grabbed Jensen's sweat pants and helped him get them on.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to clean up the bathroom"

Jensen nodded and hugged a pillow to his chest as he listened to Jared move around the other room. A short time later Jared came out, holding a slightly damp Sam, frowning at the stuffed animal.

"Did you not want him anymore?" Jared asked, setting Sam on the table and climbing into bed.

"I do, I swear" Jensen said, his voice strained and rough as he wrapped himself around Jared.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Jared asked, rocking him gently.

"Well I took a shower and there was a knock on the door and I just assumed it was you"

A cold chill ran through Jared as he rubbed his hand up and down Jensen's back.

"And the maid called me sick, a sick human being" Jensen's voice cracked.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry" Jared said, pulling him tighter against him.

"No I should be sorry, I thought ..Jared don't hate me" Jensen sobbed again.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm so sorry, when I was so pissed and hurt I wanted to blame you" He said quietly.

"Why?" Jared asked, frowning.

"I was always so careful, always making sure I was completely covered no matter what, even if I was just sleeping"

Jensen took a few deep breaths. "And then I get you, who thinks I'm attractive even after seeing all the scars and knowing about the pills and everything"

"Because to me you are"

"I know and I then forget that to other people I'm not and I wanted so bad to blame you, but I couldn't I can't. If you want to leave me I'll understand"

"Hey look at me" Jared said, pulling his head back and tilting Jensen's up.

Jensen's red rimmed eyes flickered up to Jared's as he looked at him. "Hmm?"

"What that woman said was wrong and it was horrible and I'm sorry she said it. It does sting a little that you wanted to blame me, I won't hide that but at the same time it's true"

"Jay"

"Shh, let me talk"

Jensen nodded, his lower lip trembling a little.

"I don't think like most people and I'm never not going to tell you, you are beautiful gorgeous handsome perfect in my eyes"

A few more tears started falling down Jensen's cheeks.

"But I need to realize and remember that other people are going to look at your scars as ugly and I should have waited for you to get up or get you up like I always do"

Jensen shook his head. "No, you can't take the blame for me not thinking or thinking that you would forget the key, especially with me sleeping"

"I don't think either of us should take blame, it happened and it's over and now it's time for me to spend how ever long it takes trying to get you at least some shade of happy again"

Jensen gave him a watery smile that broke with another small sob as he tucked his head under Jared's chin. "I really don't deserve you"

"I think you do and hopefully one of these days I'm going to get you to agree with me about it"

Jensen took a few more deep breaths before pulling back and looking at Jared.

"So you're not going to leave your wreck of a boyfriend?"

"What kind of boyfriend would that make me if I left him when he needed me most?"

Jensen smiled a little and leaned forward, kissing Jared softly. Smiling back he ran his fingers through Jensen's hair, pulling him forward and kissing him back.

"What do you say we take a small nap, then get up and go to lunch before we have to get heading back?" Jared said, reaching over Jensen and setting an alarm.

"Sounds good and I'm sorry"

"For what?"

"That I ruined our day in bed plan"

Jared kissed him gently a few times. "Don't apologize for that, we can do that anytime. Pick a weekend we can go further, maybe to a small cabin in the woods somewhere"

"You are just trying to think romantically"

"So sue me if I am" Jared smiled and rolled onto his back.

Jensen curled against his side and kissed his jaw before relaxing into his embrace.

"I love you Jared, so much"

"I love you too Jensen, don't ever question it"

"I won't"


	8. Chapter 8

The mirror in the bathroom was foggy around the edges as Jensen looked at his reflection, green eyes looking over his naked torso. His eyes looked over the scars that covered nearly every inch of his arms, the ones on his chest, the word on his hip. He still didn't get it, how could Jared look at him and not see them as disgusting? They were never going to be able to go to the beach and if you've been to Jareds house, that is something he loves to do. In the summer he is always going to have to hide in the house or look weird in long sleeves. Lifting his arm, he looked over the just starting to heal cuts on his wrist that he made in the hotel.

Letting out a sigh he ran his fingers roughly through his hair as he thought about that. Jared was overly perfect about what had happened, but he couldn't get it out of his mind. That woman had seen him and that was how most everyone was going to react. Just that he let himself be seen felt like a weight on his chest. What if his aunt and uncle saw them? What if Jareds parents did? They love him like their own, but would that change if they knew what he did? He never brought it up with Jared because he didn't want anything to dim that smile. Though he can't help but think that, that smile would always be there if they weren't together. He doesn't in the least regret having Jared as his own, but he knows there are better people out there for him.

Reaching for the bottle of pills he brought into the bathroom with him, he started down at the label. Richard Ackles, 600 mg, Take two by mouth daily as needed. Opening the bottle he stared down at the little oblong white pills and the halfs as well, moving the bottle a little, letting them fall against each other. He reached in and plucked one out, looking at the little 600 on the side of it. This was another thing he really was getting sick of but he couldn't stop that either. It wasn't like he was bullied anymore, thanks to Jared he was left alone and since Jared wasn't starting to wear long sleeves people stopped thinking he was trying to get him into drugs. Putting the pill back he bit his lip and looked between the toilet and the bottle a few times. Walking over to it he held the bottle out, it trembling lightly as he tipped it. The pills made a plunking sound as each one hit the water before settling on the bottom of the bowl. Reaching out his fingers trembled a bit against the handle before he pushed it down, the roar of it ringing his ears.

Closing the lid he sat heavily on it, curling his one hand around the other and holding them under his chin, resting them on his knees. He wasn't sure how long he was sitting there but a knock on the door made him jump.

"Jensen, you in there?" Jareds voice came through the door.

"Yea" He called out, reaching over and unlocking the door.

Jared peeked in and then came in, closing the door behind him.

"Hey babe what are you.." He started, trailing off as he moved over and grabbed the empty bottle. "You didn't" Jared gasped.

Looking up Jensen got a confused look on his face before understanding filtered over his face. "No"

"Then where?"

"I flushed them" He said simply.

"Jen?"

"I'm sick of being dependent on them" Jensen said, standing and reaching for his shirt only to have his hand caught in Jareds.

Pulling the shorter males other hand as well, he put them around his neck, hands sliding down Jensens arms then sides until they were on his hips.

"Something else on your mind?" Jared asked, bumping their noses together lightly.

"No, just one less thing wrong with me"

Jared frowned, but didn't say anything since it was a losing battle.

"You know if there is anything you want to talk about, you can right?"

"I know but there isn't"

"Ok" Jared said, leaning down slightly and kissing Jensen.

Jensen kissed him back for a few minutes until the sound of the front door opening and closing broke them apart.

"You should probably throw that bottle away" Jared said, taking a step back.

"Yea" He nodded tossing his shirt on and putting the lid on the bottle before pushing it to the middle of the garbage, then washing his hands.

"Shall we go start that pile of homework that we have?" Jared asked, opening the door and stepping out.

"If we have to" Jensen smiled and followed him to Jensens room.


	9. Chapter 9

“Jensen, please, calm down” Jared pleaded, trying to stop Jensen from pacing the room, his fingers running through his hair.

“I can’t, they almost saw them and you saw their faces, they know something is up” Jensen said, his eyes panicked.

“They won’t think any different of you Jen, they will love you just the same”

“You don’t know that, god I’m so stupid”

Jared frowned and sighed. “No you’re not, they shouldn’t of been here”

“No, I shouldn’t of agreed to kiss you on the couch” Jensen snapped.

Jareds parents were supposed to be out of the house, so Jared had convinced Jensen that the couch would be the perfect place to make out. They were so lost in each other that they didn’t hear them walk into the living room, where Jared had his hand up Jensens shirt. His mother had asked what was on Jensens arm, since she only got a small glimpse of it and they said it was an old scar. Neither of them looked very convinced however, but since they were running late they had to go, though Jared could guess they were going to have questions later. After they had left, Jensen all but ran upstairs and was freaking out, leaving Jared hurt and a little annoyed.

“I guess you shouldn’t of” Jared snapped back.

“What?” Jensen said, stopping.

“Yea, why do something you were enjoying”

“They are going to ask questions”

“And you’re just going to run right? Let me deal with them by myself, lie for you”

“They won’t understand” Jensen said, rubbing his arm.

“That’s right, because they’re disgusting”

Jensen gasped, his stomach dropping. “Jared, why are you saying that”

“It’s what you always say, you keep telling me that they’re ugly and disgusting, so why should I keep trying to convince you otherwise”

“Because you love me, because you don’t think they are”

“So, I’m never going to change your mind, so I’m done trying” Jared said, raising his jaw a little.

“You.. you”

“And why should I stay with someone who doesn’t believe me, you probably don’t think I really love you, do you?”

“Jared, please”

“Say it, say you don’t believe that I love you, stop pretending you know I love you”

“I know you do”

“Oh, really?” He asked, crossing his arms.

“Yes. Don’t, don’t leave me”

“Give me one good reason, why should I stay with someone who is obviously such a mess?”

“Because you do love me” Jensen said, taking a step forward, a few tears falling when Jared took a step back.

“You don’t believe me though”

“I do”

“Sure, you just don’t want me to leave, you don’t believe a word that comes out of my mouth”

“I try, I try so hard Jay” Jensen sobbed. “I want to believe that I’m attractive, that just because I have scars that I’m worth something”

“But you tell me over and over again I’m wrong”

“I won’t, I’ll stop”

“Stop telling me I’m wrong”

“Yes” He said, shaking, holding his stomach. “I’ll tell you thank you”

“But I’ll never be able to take you any where right? Show you off, just because someone may accidentally see your scars”

“You, you can, I’ll let you take me anywhere you want”

“I don’t know, you seemed pretty pissed that I ‘made’ you make out with me” Jared said, making the air quotes.

“You didn’t make me do anything, I wanted to, I shouldn’t have said that” Jensen sobbed again, starting to reach but stopping himself and crying harder. “Please forgive me, don’t leave me, I couldn’t take losing you”

“You couldn’t?”

“No, I need you so much, I love you so much that I hate being away from you for any amount of time. Seeing you smile lights up my whole day. I shouldn’t of ever tried to blame you, not when that nurse saw me and not now. I should have known when I started doing it that people were going to see them, but I’m just so scared.

Your parents are amazing and I don’t want them to try and take you away from me, I don’t want them to hate me like my parents did. After I found you and you became mine, I’ve been so scared of anyone trying to take you away from me”

Jensen sobbed again, his head hanging low as the tears poured down his face. A touch to his shoulder made him jump, but then he was pulled into Jareds arm, the tears starting to fall faster.

“Nothing is going to take me away from you not my parents, not your aunt and uncle, nothing you hear me” Jared whispered into his ear, holding him tight.

“Then why” He whimpered, wrapping his arms around Jareds waist.

“Because you need to stop trying to hide away and then act like it’s ok to blame me when things happen. And you need to believe me when I tell you things. I have never lied to you and I don’t really plan on starting anytime soon”

“I’m sorry, so sorry” Jensen said, his face pressed against Jareds neck.

“I know you are, but you do need to trust me” The taller male said, pulling Jensens face back, cradling it in his long fingers. “Trust that I’m telling you the truth when I say you are the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, that my parents are going to love you no matter what and that I’m so sorry I had to say those horrible things to you to get you to see that”

“I trust you Jared, but how do you know that your parents are going to still love me?”

“Because of how happy you make me, because they love you like their own and though they may not see them as beautiful like I do, they won’t hate you for them”

“I hope you’re right” Jensen said, his bottom lip shaking.

“Even if they don’t, I’m not going anywhere, do you at least believe that?” Jared said, wiping the tears off his face with his thumbs.

“Yea, I believe that” He said in a small voice.

“Good”

Pulling him close, Jared gave Jensen a soft kiss as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders again. Moving them slowly backwards, Jared moved them until they were by the bed and only broke apart long enough to climb onto the bed. Lying face to face, they continued to kiss slow and soft until a small yawn slipped from Jensens lips.

“Why don’t we take a small nap?” Jared said, pulling Jensens head under his chin.

“Ok” He said softly. “And you’ll be there the entire time when your parents ask?”

“Nothing is going to make me leave” Jared said, holding him tight. “Nothing”


	10. Chapter 10

Jensen was a bundle of nerves when the two heard a car pulling up outside the house, the slight squeak telling them it was Jareds mom. Even after their nap, Jensen was still nervous about this, even if he was going to go trough with it. He wasn't going to lose Jared, he had to fully believe that even if he was scared that his parents were going to kick him out.

A few minutes later, Sherry came into the house, dropping her things in the kitchen before she came into the living room.

“Yes?” She asked, sitting on the love seat, as the other two were on the couch.

“Hi mom.” Jared said.

“Hi to you two, too. There something the matter?”

“Not really, but.” Jared said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Something to do with what I saw this morning and I don't mean you two making out on my couch, which is something I would expect?”

The two nodded, Jensen sighing a little, playing with the hem of his shirt before he took a deep breath.

“Well it wasn't really a lie, it is an old scar, but more than that. I live with my aunt and uncle because my parents disowned me and my dad never cared for me even before then. Didn't like that I was gay or even really who I turned out to be. Even school didn't offer much in the way of relief from hate, kids didn't understand and bullies found me to be a good target.

And after a while all of that just started to get too much, so I did something to help the pain, though it's a contradiction since it's adding more pain.”

With another deep breath, Jensen rolled up his sleeve, Jareds mother gasping at the lines on his arm.

“It was the one thing that I could control and take away from all of the pain that I couldn't. My dad hitting me, the bullies, even people who didn't know me would walk away from me. That was all until I came here, though my aunt and uncle don't pay me much mind. They take care of me, but other than that I might as well be a tenant, not their own blood.”

Jensen clasped his hands together as Sherry's hand slowly fell from where it was over her mouth, a few tears in her eyes; one rolling down her cheek.

“Oh, Jensen.” She said softly.

“We just thought it needed to come out in the open, show you that it wasn't something else, if that's what you were worried about. It's getting better, being with Jared and having someone love me despite being a mess, but it feels like a long road still ahead.”

The two jumped a little as Sherry stood up and walked over to the couch, pulling Jensen up and into a tight hug.

“I'm so sorry that you're life has gone so wrong and hard for such a young man. And I'm sorry that I pried and had bad thoughts. But I'm not sorry that I now know, since now I can be even more of a mother than I previously was, since it seems like you really need one.”

Jensen sniffled a little as he hugged her back, feeling her tears finally falling onto his shirt.

“What about dad?” Jared asked, when she let him go a few long moments later.

“I'll take care of him, don't you worry. But he won't think anything bad about you either, I'll make sure of that.”

“Thank you.” Jensen smiled, tears in his eyes, reaching blindly for Jareds hand.

“You shouldn't have to thank me for something like that, not at all.” She said, running her fingers through his hair. “Now why don't you two scat and I'll get dinner started and wait for you father.”

“Ok mom.”

With a few more hugs, the two were back in Jareds room, Jensen all but sobbing happily into his shirt.

“I told you so.” Jared smiled against his neck, kissing the skin softly.

“You did and I'm sorry I ever doubted you.”

~*~

When the two came down later, when dinner was ready, Jensen was pulled into another hug by Jareds dad. Telling him the same things that Sherry had said to him.

Dinner was almost over when his dad cleared his throat.

“Jensen.”

“Yea?”

“Me and Sherry were talking earlier and she told me all of what you had told her and something just didn't sit well with us.”

“Oh?” He said, his stomach bubbling funny.

The male nodded. “The fact that your own family here treats you so bad, I don't like that. Knowing we send you home to a place that doesn't feel like it. So, we have a question.”

“Yes?” Jensen asked, tilting his head a little.

“We were wondering if you would like to live here instead.”

“Really?” Jared and Jensen aksed at the same time.

“Really.” The parents answered.

Jensen felt like crying all over again as he looked between the three Padalecki's before nodding slowly.

“I'd like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could spend this time talking about my life and the crap that's been happening, but I won't. For a while my muse just didn't feel up to this story, but now he's working with me on it and it's going to be one more chapter and then done, I hope you've enjoyed the ride.


	11. Chapter 11

10 Years later

“Hey honey, have you seen my, oh wait. I found it.” Jensen hear Jared yell from their bedroom.

With a small chuckle, Jensen went back to what he was doing, namely cutting vegetables for the salad they were going to have with their main course. The muscles on his arms twitched as he moved the tomato to a small bowl before starting the next one. His arms looked darker than the previous week, seeing as Jared had been dragging him out of bed every morning to go on a run. Not that he really hated it, but getting Jared to 'bribe him out of bed' with a blow job, he wasn't going to complain.

“Why did I ever agree to go with Chad this weekend?” Jared asked, tossing his newly packed duffle bag next to the door.

“Because he asked you nicely?” Jensen smiled as he finished what he was doing and tossed the stuff in the sink.

“And you aren't going with me, because?” He asked, pulling Jensens arms around his neck.

“Because I have to work, you know that.”

“Doesn't mean I'm not going to miss you, you know.” Jared pouted until Jensen smiled and leaned in, kissing it off his lips.

There were times that Jensen still thought back on his life before Jared was a part of it, but it wasn't often. After he moved out of his aunt and uncles house, things started getting better than ever. In the time between then and when they graduated, he had only relapsed twice and each time Jared kissed and loved him through it.

It wasn't until they were in their own little place that they actually lost their virginities to each other, even if it took a few times to actually not blush and laugh through it all. And they worked on things more and more after that and in time the scars on Jensens heart and arms faded. In the right light you could still see them, but only if you were actually looking for them. And Jensen didn't feel the need to anymore, not that he could see the rest of their life instead.

“You know I'm going to miss you just as much.” Jensen smiled, running his fingers in Jareds hair. 

“I know, I just still really like kissing you.”

“Well then why don't you show me how much, we still have about fifteen minutes before dinner is ready.”

“Well then lets not waste that time.” Jared smirked, before picking Jensen up and wrapping his legs around his waist, leading them to the couch.


End file.
